


Start Over

by immortalbanner



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, College, First Kiss, M/M, Rooftop kiss, Unrequited Style, i like it a lot, technically though, this is a Good Ship™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 16:58:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16937175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalbanner/pseuds/immortalbanner
Summary: After Kyle finally ended his and Stan's non-relationship, Stan finds solace in Craig. The kind he'd never expected.





	Start Over

**Author's Note:**

> Oh damn look who got onto the Staig train! A useless gay who stans both Creek and Style! 
> 
> Okay, but this is a Good Ship and I got this idea so I hope you enjoy!

Crying was something Stan rarely let himself do. He sometimes did it when he was a kid but Shelly would always bully him until he would stop. She claimed it was to toughen him up but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever believed it. But nowadays, he only cried when he deemed it absolutely necessary.

Kyle breaking up with him seemed as any good as a time than ever.

The state of his and Kyle’s relationship had always been murky. They roomed together in college and that new closeness had turned things around. They’d always been close but being in such a small space together changed it. It was like one night they were normal best friends but the next they were making out on his bed.

They never got around to actually putting a label on it, he knew he was never technically his boyfriend. But he was also the first guy he did anything with. The guy who made him fully realise his bisexuality.

Of course it wouldn’t last forever if they’d never talked about it. Kyle breaking up with him was technically him telling him they had to stop what they were doing because he was kind of into a girl who liked him back.

He’d spent most of the day in his – their – dorm, under his sheets, letting tears roll down his face and not bothering to clean his snot.

He didn’t move for hours, not even when Kyle came into the room looking for him, and he most definitely ignoring the obvious lump in his bed.

He wasn’t even sure what hurt him more, the fact they never had a chance to see how far they could’ve gone or that he might’ve lost his best friend because of it.

He didn’t get out of his bed until it got way past the point of pathetic. He had to pull himself together at some point. Put his mind on different things, different people.

He especially didn’t need people asking questions. Kyle had told him he didn’t want anyone to know about his own sexuality, and Stan wasn’t sure where he stood with himself, moving on wise. He wasn’t about to hop on anyones dick quite yet.

After a cold shower, he checked his phone to see that Kenny had told him he was going to a frat party and asked if he wanted to come. He responded with a ‘yes’, alcohol was the cure for heartbreak after all.

By the time he got to the frat house, Kenny was already four drinks in while Cartman was slower with his drinking. The first thing Stan got though was his own beer and separated himself from the crowd almost completely. Mostly in a spot where he could easily people watch.

A lot of the people he knew from South Park went to the college he’d gone to. It was only in Denver and most people didn’t bother to go out of state (Wendy had, but she got into a way better school). He wasn’t ever sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

It did sometimes take some getting used to seeing people he’d known his whole life hanging out with an unfamiliar face. It was something that was always weirdly out of place.

He lazily scanned the room, his eyes stopping when he saw Clyde, Jimmy, Token, and Tweek. Without Craig, which was weird because that group was almost never without him.

There were a few other people in the group. Clyde had his arm slung across some girl’s shoulders and Tweek was holding hands with some guy.

Stan had always wondered how Tweek and Craig so easily went back to being friends after they broke up in middle school. They never seemed to have any resentment towards each other, from what Stan could tell from afar.

He just hoped whatever made them okay would happen to him and Kyle.

He pressed his back against the wall and looked down at his drink. He knew Kyle felt guilty for up and leaving him but honestly? He was at fault to. He let himself fall into a hopeless situation. It was set up to fail if neither of them actually said how they felt, and Kyle didn’t owe him feelings. He just wished he stopped himself before he got in as deep as he was.

He needed air, mostly he just needed to be away from everyone. Going out was a mistake. Alcohol was his usual problem solver but he knew it wasn’t one of his best ideas. All it did was numb it for a few hours until he woke up with a hangover and regrets.

He decided to step outside to the small garden area. It wasn’t much of a garden but it was pretty closed off from the rest of campus. It was the only piece of quiet there was since he was the only one out there.

“Marsh, that you?”

Okay, maybe not. The voice sounded like it was coming from above him and when he turned his head up, he saw Craig sitting on the roof, his legs hanging off the side.

“What are you doing up there?” he called up.

He shrugged. “Nice up here. Care to join me?”

He stared up at him, realising that Craig had never actually invited him anywhere. He was still pretty bitter about the whole Peru ordeal. The guy could hold a grudge.

“Okay,” he shrugged.

He smiled. “Alright, get up.” He patted the spot next to him.

Stan stepped forward and climbed his way up. He had pretty good upper body strength if you asked him, but it was a little hard to climb.   
  
Soon enough, he was sitting next too Craig on the flat roof.

When he turned to him, an amused look was on his face. “What?”

“There was a window you could’ve gone through on the inside, in case you wanted to avoid being extra.”

Oh. Well he was going to hold that against him for a while.

“Anyway, gonna share that beer?” he asked, nodding to the bottle he was still grasping. Wordlessly, he handed it to Craig who took a swing. He noticed his nails were neatly painted a dark blue colour, which was something Stan vaguely noticed years ago. First when he was fifteen when Cartman said something that caused Craig to flip him off, and the messily painted nail was clear to everyone around him.

Surprisingly, Cartman hadn’t made a comment about it, and the best he would have anyway was calling him ‘gay’. Which hadn’t been effective since fourth grade.

Stan sometimes wondered how he got so bold to do it, but Craig had always been the kind to not care what people thought.

“So, why were you being all emo?” Craig asked, handing the bottle to him.

“That obvious?”

He nodded. “Yep.”

He shrugged. “It’s nothing,” he said. “Why are you up here and not with your friends?”

“Needed time to myself I guess.”

He took a sip of his beer, remembering what he’d thought in the party. “Y’know, I’ve always wondered.”

He raised a brow. “Wondered what?”

“How did you and Tweek go back to being friends after… well, all you went through?”

He blinked at him, no hint of snark on his face. “Uh, that’s kind of personal?”

He swallowed and looked away. “Sorry.” He really just wanted some kind of way of knowing how he could possibly make closure with Kyle. He’d seen Tweek and Craig act like nothing was wrong after their breakup. The only change that there seemed to be was not holding hands or small affectionate touches they’d share. He wanted to have that again with Kyle, just a normal friendship that toed the line into something else.

“No,” he sighed. “It’s fine. I get he and I were all lovey dovey during elementary school.” He smiled, a small sad one. He turned his head to the sky, his eyes focussing on the stars. “We had a clean breakup, I guess. We knew it wasn’t going to last forever, and I didn’t want to end up hating him.” He turned his head back to him. “Having little physical baggage was helpful too I guess.”

“Physical baggage?”

“Like, we never had sex because we were thirteen when we broke up. We never had anything close. We were barely passed kissing for longer than three seconds. I think we made out once but it was only for a couple of minutes.”

Stan laughed. “Truely the romance of the century,” he said. “Do you ever regret it? Being with him?”

He shook his head. “No. I owe a lot to that relationship, and to him. He helped me accept I’m gay and know what it’s like to be in a relationship. Like, do you regret ever dating Wendy?”

He bit his lip. He stopped himself from blurting out the obvious point, that Wendy was a lesbian.

But even with that, Wendy was an important part in his life. She still meant a lot to him and they were still friends.

“I get what you mean, I guess,” he said. His mind drifted to Kyle, who was probably already out with whoever this girl was. “Does it feel weird to see him with someone else though?”

He shook his head. “Nah, his boyfriend’s real nice and he deserves some good dick,” he shrugged.

Stan couldn’t help but laugh with how casually he had said it. “What about you?” he asked. “Have you at least, uh, gotten dick?”

He snorted, probably because he was clearly uncomfortable with how he’d phrased it. “No, unless you count ‘straight’ guys whose dicks I sucked Freshman year.”

He scrunched his nose at him. “Why’d you say ‘straight’ like that?”

“Because said guys are usually bi. Or less often but often enough, deeply in denial gays. The whole ‘a mouth it a mouth’ thing is bullshit.”

“So why’d you do it?”

“I was nineteen and a horny virgin I guess.” His tone sounded kind of defeated, even though he said it with a smile. He clearly didn’t seem happy with himself.

He stared out at the night, seeing across the campus.

He’d never said he was bi aloud, not even to Kyle. He and Kyle always had an unspoken thing that never allowed for putting words to how they felt.

He’d desperately wanted to tell someone. Not the ordeal with Kyle, he wasn’t going to out him like that. But he needed to tell someone that he was bi, someone he knew wouldn’t have a weird or have an adverse reaction.

“Well, since we’re oversharing,” he said. “Uh, I’m bi.”

Craig’s brow practically rose to his hairline. “Seriously?”

“No need to be so surprised.”

He shook his head. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m just used to thinking people from South Park as a certain way. You were always just an annoying straight guy to me.”

“So what am I now?”

Craig was silent, and turned back forward. “So, who made you realise the wonders of bisexuality?”

Well, that was definitely a swerve.

He turned so he was facing forward too. He figured he could be honest without outing Kyle. “I fell in love with someone who didn’t love me back.”

He hated that that was the truth. Kyle loved him but he knew he wasn’t in love with him. They weren’t two people in love. He was just in a pathetic guy in unrequited love.

“Oh damn,” Craig said. When he turned back to look at him, he saw a genuine look of sympathy. “Straight guy?”

Yeah, he definitely didn’t know. “Something like that.”

“I’m sorry, that genuinely sucks.”

He shrugged. “I’ll get over it.”

He nodded. “Well,” he bit his lip. “I know what it’s like. There was this guy I met a couple years ago who I basically fell in love with. I even convinced myself that he was in love with me too, that he was queer and in denial.”

“What happened?”

“I told him, and he turned me down. But in this really nice way. Even then, I haven’t spoken to him since. It was humiliating.”

That didn’t give him much hope with him and Kyle. Maybe it was one of the things only time could decide. He really just had to attempt to move on.

“Why’d you invite me up here?” Stan asked.

“You looked like you needed company.”

“I thought you hated me?”

He smiled. “Hate’s a little strong, ain’t it?”

He smiled back. Craig’s smile was kind of nice. He’d been so caught up with him and Kyle that he hadn’t had the time to look at other guys this way.

Now that he let himself actually look at him, Craig was kind of really cute. The kind of cute that made he was surprised he’d never noticed before.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m _still_ mad about Peru,” he said. “But I wouldn’t say I hate you.”

He could definitely do without his pettiness though. “How can you still be mad about Peru?”

“I’m great at holding grudges of course.”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, was me being lonely the only reason you called me up?”

“Uh, I don’t know. It was just weird especially seeing you without Kyle.”

 _Kyle_. The name made him flinch. He remembered how they’d always be joined at the hip from such a young age. He tried to focus on those happy memories and not the ones where he’d gently kiss him and they’d fall asleep to the sound of the other’s heartbeat while the laid on one of their beds.

“Wait,” Craig said staring at him. “Was… Kyle who you’re in love with?”

When had he started crying? A tear had been rolling down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away. “Yeah.” His voice broke.

“Wow, okay, that really does suck. Did you tell him?”

He shook his head. “No, and he’s dating a girl right now anyway. Not worth it.”

He felt a hand on his lower back, which made him flinch slightly before he leaned back against it. It felt kind of nice.

“That’s a little handsy,” he joked.

“Well, like I said, being with Tweek let me know a lot. That includes what to do when I’ve got a boy crying in front of me. Is it working?”

Craig was smiling. Not a smile that came with the conversation, but smiling at him.

He nodded and smiled back at him. “Yeah, it’s working.”

“Good.”

They were staring at each other, mostly unmoving. Craig’s fingers were on his lower back, gently rubbing. His shirt slid up slightly, and Craig hesitated when his fingers brushed against his skin. He pushed back more as a sign that he could proceed. He seemed to understand and he felt his palm against his skin. The feeling made his stomach go into knots. So many knots. He felt like he was going to explode.

“Have you ever uh, kissed a guy?” Craig asked. “Just out of curiosity?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I have.”

“How was it?”

Great, amazing, perfect.

But also awkward, regretful, and just overall something he wished he could undo.

“Pretty gay I guess.”

Craig grinned even more. “Ever thought about doing it with someone else?”

With the look Craig was giving him, it was all he could think of.

“Are you going to keep stalling or will you kiss met?”

“You’re a real ass.”

Stan responded by leaning forward and kissing him himself.

He kissed him back, his own experience pretty clear. He was definitely used to the feeling of kissing another guy by now. Stan couldn’t help but notice the differences of kissing a guy and kissing a girl. He’d noticed it with Kyle too. The feeling of facial hair, the larger hands, the rougher features. He wasn’t sure if he preferred one over the other, but this was an objectively really nice feeling.

One difference he remembered with Kyle was how he could press his chest to his. That was one thing he’d liked about kissing another guy for sure.

He shuffled closer to him, cupping his face in his hands as he continued to kiss him. Both of Craig’s hands were on his lower back, warm against the bare skin.

If they weren’t sitting on a roof he’d probably would’ve pinned him onto his back.

Craig seemed to have had the same thought. He pulled away, but kept his hands in place. “As nice as kissing you is, want to take this somewhere else?”

He nodded quickly, his heart thumping in his ears. They jumped through the window Craig said he climbed through and left to go downstairs.

“So,” Craig said, keeping hold of his hand as he lead him downstairs. “What are our options? I share a suite with my friends minus Jimmy – he’s in the accessible dorms –, do I just let them know we’ll be a little busy or go to yours?”

He thought of Kyle, and the idea of Kyle seeing them together. Of knowing what happened after whatever kissing lead to.

But Kyle had already made his decision.

“I’ll text Kyle and make him crash with Kenny or Butters,” he said, stepping closer to him and gripping the bicep of the arm with the hand holding his.

“Okay, let’s try to avoid my friends. They’re going to give me hell for this and I’d rather make out with you first.”

He laughed and they made their way out of the frat house and into the night. Whatever came out of it, Stan couldn’t wait to see.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If I feel inspired, I might write a part 2 to this.


End file.
